We live in a world where no one is allowed to be okay…all in the name of making sure everyone is okay. Something is supposed to upset you all the time…and what is supposed to upset you the most young man, is you. You are upsetting, so they say. The message is that you are not right…that something is always the matter. Even if you get slightly upset you are guilty of a microaggression. If you show assertiveness, you are being oppressive. You just can’t seem to get it right.
Young men need to hear that by and large they are normal. Perfectly normal. There are outliers and there are times any one of us gets out of line from time to time but for the most part what has usually been ascribed as natural parts of being male have been labeled as problematic.
Someone needs to be telling our young men that being a problem is not baked into your DNA…it is baked into the outlook of those who want to find problems in everyone and bring disruption and chaos into the systems as they have traditionally existed.
Is it possible for a young man to get out of line? Of course…but being male doesn’t make you automatically bad and it doesn’t make you toxic because you don’t live up to someone else’s expectations for what men should look like who most likely have never had a healthy male example for them to see the benefits of.
So carry on young men. Don’t let people get you down. You are just as much an image bearer with that Y chromosome as anyone else. And yes, we do need accountability for the actual moments when someone is being toxic…but you aren’t toxic for being male.
I want my two boys to understand this. I want my grand kids to understand this. I want their future wives to understand this…how are we ever going to get along until we stop demonizing people for normal things like race and gender?
7 Responses
No one is saying males are toxic just because they are male. That is NOT what toxic masculinity means. And the more you sell this misinformation the harder it is to address the actual problems of toxic masculinity. Yes, being male is normal and totally ok. Toxic masculinity (feel free to look it up) is not.
That’s your opinion and you are welcome to it. I am male and I know what I experience. Are you saying you know better what the male experience is than males? I hope not.
To be more clear there are plenty of feminists who think men are bad for being men. It’s out there. It’s real.
The women you speak of are of those are the same outliers that you reference in regards to males. Let’s not judge all for the few right?
I’m not arguing with your experience. I’m arguing with your definition.
But you are assuming your definition is the only way anyone would define it. If only everyone were as reasonable as you the world would be a better place.
And your article did the same. Didn’t want someone to read this and think this was the only way to define toxic masculinity. There are things that are serious and toxic and prevalent in males disproportionately to other genders. And it’s those traits we should be focusing on when talking about things that are a very real threat to people of my gender.
The article is written to a specific group of people. Men who are beaten up upon because they are men. Is that every man? No. If you read it through it’s intended audience it might read a bit better. Thank you for reflecting on it and for taking time to share your thoughts. That is helpful. Glad for anyone to read your comments and consider what you are saying.