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Top Ten Things You Will Find in Your Church Library

August 1st, 2007 · No Comments · Humor

Warning, humor and satire ahead. Here are some things you can expect to find in a significant number of church libraries:

  1. The cleanest carpet in the entire church despite the fact that the cleaning people don’t even know there is a library.
  2. A large table in the middle with cushy chairs for various kinds of meetings
  3. A pile of library cards that came out of books but were never put back
  4. A pile of returned books next to the pile of library cards that have never been re-shelved
  5. Another pile of books people have donated to the library that haven’t been sorted through yet
  6. The Book of Life series
  7. The Lipscomb/Shepherd Commentary Series
  8. A box full of old tracts
  9. The Purpose Driven Life is the only book published post 2000.
  10. At Least one copy each of Behold the Pattern and Piloting the Straits

I will throw in an 11th – a copy of the hymnal, even though there are 400 of them in the auditorium. Now try to find the library in your church and see if that is accurate. What am I missing?


No Comments so far ↓

  • Steve

    Basically our church library is my library that is housed in our conference room so any patternism materials won’t be found.

    However, you will find books that outline neat words like “Zoilus!”


  • Donna

    Jewell Miller filmstrips….

  • Nick Gill

    The Geocentricity Primers

    Great Chapters of the Bible

    Easy to Read or Easy to Mislead – The Truth Behind the Versions

  • Mark

    What about all the old McGee and Me videos? We have plenty of the empty boxes where someone borrowed them without returning them. 🙂

    Mark <

  • Frank

    Four copies of “Why I Am a Member of . . . “

  • Frank

    Oh, and lots of smallish books by James D. Bales with strange blue or green hardback covers, lots of larger books by Foy E. Wallace Jr. with crimson or black covers, and books by V. E. Howard with dustjackets.

  • TCS

    what about copies of “Where the Saints Meet” so that you can find proper church when on the road.

    Let’s see, what else, cassette tapes of various lessons no one wanted to hear the first time…a trash can full of those evil veggie tale videos which teach error and contain instrumental music. That’s what I remember.

  • Brian

    sad but true, I almost don’t want to buy newer better books out of fear that the money will be wasted


  • mattdabbs

    Steve…anything but Zoilus!

    Donna…how could I have missed that?

    Nick…I guess I am missing out on those.

    Mark…missing out again.

    Frank….oh so true.

    TCS…always in there.

    Brian…I am updating our church library with newer commentaries and I am informing the teachers of which ones are the best so they don’t sit there like the books that used to be new did.

    Keep them coming!

  • dannydodd

    Hey, when have been in our church library?

    If you ever find a copy of Behold the Pattern in your church library- run away- run far away! 🙂

    Funny, but oh-so-true post.

  • Trey Morgan

    Our library is full of books that no one reads. We have 92,000 books that are “behold the pattern” type books and 5 Lucado books. The Lucado books are always checked out and no one touches the other stuff.

    Thanks for the laugh.

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