My wife Missy has about as many questions as anyone I know. They are not just questions for the sake of asking questions. She is genuinly curious and wants to know the answer. When we were dating and even a few times in our marriage she would ask “The Question.” It would go something like this – “If there was one thing right now that you wouldn’t want to tell me what would it be?” Isn’t that just great!?! I mean, there is no good answer to that question. It is a set up for failure. Or maybe it is a setup for success if you really feel safe enough with someone to tell them how you really feel or something they may not want to hear. I honestly can’t remember any of the answers I have given to that question. I suppose I could just be repressing the memories but I do know that I answered it honestly and things are still going well today!
Maybe we need more questions like that in our marriages in order to promote more openness, honesty and transparency. It is a shame that some of our marriages have less transparency than some of the troubled financial institutions in our country.
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I agree. We need more transparency. But we also need more maturity to go with it. My wife has a saying, “You don’t have to say everything you think; but you do have to think about everything you say.”
This has been helpful in our relationship for almost 30 years now. Both of us can be chatty. Both of us have red hair, too. Not trying to put all redheads in the same boat, but we do have the capability to over react to something that is said.
So, we have given each other a wide berth when it comes to expressing our thoughts, feelings and questions. My wife has never asked me “the question” Missy has asked you. My answer would probably be something like, “The one thing I don’t want to tell you right now is the answer to that question.”
Give me some time. Let me pray about what I’m thinking and feeling. Let me explore whether or not my heart is where it should be in this matter. If, after doing so, I have some to ask you or tell you, I’ll let you know.”
Maybe I’m on the wrong track here, but it seems like this respect, this allowing one another the opportunity to have private thoughts and feelings, has brought more openness and fewer hurt feelings to our relationship.
Sorry for the long comment. This just set me to thinking.
HA! As someone who spent a significant amount of college weekends traveling in vans with Missy and our cohorts, I can totally verify that she asks the best questions ever. I mean, ever! She always had some series of questions that would get all up in your mind. Ha! She’s a great woman MAtt, but I don’t envy you for having to face “the question”! Man I bet she laughs when you’re sweating it.